 Dr. NerdLove's stickers he was giving out at his panel.
Geek Matriculation: From the time we are born we are constantly processing information, growing, changing, and incorporating the world around us into our own personalities. The process of Geek Matriculation begins in Elementary School and continues throughout our adolescence culminating in College/University when we finally graduate from Life with our degree in Geekiness that accompanies us into the “real world” and is perhaps the only fundamentally unchangeable thing about the rest of our lives. There are two aspects to Geek Matriculation and they can be found at every level of our educational system. These are Inclusive and Exclusive traits. Let me define my terms. An inclusive trait is one that includes you in a certain group, like a skill or ability that you inherently have. An exclusive trait is something that you may or may not have control over, but that others use as a justification to exclude you from their social circles. Much like the DSM, Geekiness can be measured on a scale. If you check more boxes than not, you are probably a fully-matriculated Geek. Here are a few examples of how Geek Matriculation looks: Elementary School • Inclusive traits: advanced intelligence for age, well-developed language skills, higher than grade level reading ability, all A report cards. • Exclusive traits: all manner of physical “defects”, inabilities or lack of skill. For example asthma, allergies, braces, glasses, fat, slow, picked last for team sports. Junior High • Inclusive traits: Skill with fine arts emerge. You play an instrument, your drawings actually look like the subject, you do the school play, etc… • Exclusive traits: Your fashion sense is out of step with current trends. If you are a boy you might be made fun of for still wearing power ranger gear; if you are a girl you might be made fun of for not wearing makeup yet. You are certainly made fun of for not wearing “the right clothes” or liking things that are now considered “for babies”. This would include your music, movie, TV show preferences as well. High School • Inclusive traits: Club memberships. This includes but is not limited to Band, NHS, AV, Chess, Science, Robotics, OAP, Computers, Journalism, Photography. • Exclusive traits: Your level of social awkwardness and your hobbies. This includes but is not limited to things like taking your cousin to Prom, playing D&D at lunch, reading comic books, graduating with your virginity intact (esp. if male), and all other sci-fi/fantasy related interests you might pursue in your free time. College/University • Inclusive traits: Your major and your grades. The list of majors includes all Sciences (except Pre-Med), Math, Computers, Art, Music, Theatre, Philosophy, Creative Writing, and perhaps History (but not Government). Grades would include the Dean’s List or graduating with a “Laude” behind your name, and would go on to include graduate work, Master’s and PHDs but not MDs or EDDs. • Exclusive traits: Your social commitments such as NON-MEMBERSHIP in or downright protesting/mocking of the BIG THREE: Greeks, Jocks, and Student Government. All other social commitments are considered grounds for an exclusive trait. Level of Obsession So now that we’ve discovered how one becomes a Geek, let’s take a look at just how Geeky you have become throughout your Geek Matriculation. I call this aspect Level of Obsession. If I were a Math major I would draw you either a lovely Venn diagram or at the very least a graph that would illustrate my point. In my head I imagine a simple graph showing on the left an arrow rising vertically measuring Time Spent on Obsession and another arrow travelling right horizontally measuring Percentage of Take Home Pay Spent on Obsession. The graph would include the following nine categories (much like the nine rings). I would state emphatically that it is not necessary to possess a High Level of Obsession in all nine categories to be considered a “true geek”. One may either have a moderate level of obsession in several categories or a high level of obsession in only one category or any combination thereof. 1. Consumption of sci-fi/fantasy related entertainment media. This includes books, movies, TV shows. 2. Comic books/graphic novels 3. Gaming including tabletop, PC, online, and video. 4. Anime 5. Music 6. Collectables 7. Creating your own Writing/Art. This includes everything from trying to get your novel published all the way to writing fanfic about the last novel you read. This category also includes writing blogs about the novels, critiquing the novels, and all time spent arguing about the novels on discussion boards, in chat rooms, and fan-related websites like Mugglenet and RedHen (my personal decade long obsessions). On the Art side, same thing all the way from illustrating your own comic books down to putting your work up on DeviantART. 8. Costumes. This includes anyone who makes and/or wears costumes, costume accessories, weapons, armor, props, etc…. 9. Personal Interaction with the Maker. This includes convention attendance, readings/book signings, hanging around the stage door waiting for the chance to get an autograph, stalking. Again, if I were a Math person, I’d place various specific examples on the graph showing Low Obsession like buying one cheap Star Wars toy, taking it out of the box immediately, and playing with it… compared to an example showing High Obsession like buying 3 of the same expensive Star Wars toys so that you have one to take out and play with immediately, one for “display purposes only”, and one to NEVER open that gets put away in a dark closet so that it may remain unspoiled and therefore its value will remain undiminished for future generations. Using my method to rate another’s Level of Obsession in these nine areas, you will find that it becomes very difficult to berate another’s “Geek Street Cred”. For example, my personal Comic book, Anime and Gaming score is so low it is non-existent, but my scores in the other 6 areas are in the moderate to freakishly high range. If the suspected “fake Geek” spent the time and money in order to attend a convention, in a costume, and is currently standing in line to meet an author, that person IS NOT FAKE. “Not cool, dude.” Updated to add: So I wrote this and I was so proud of it that I emailed it to Dr. NerdLove. He never responded. Years went by. I started doing whole family cosplays and going to all the comic conventions. I met Dr. Nerdlove again at Fan Expo in Dallas when he had a merch table in the vendor area. I introduced myself by following Inigo Montoya's protocol and related our relevant personal link from all those years ago. I told him I still had my Fake Geek Girl bumper sticker. He then went on to tell me a horrifying tale of what happened at the very next con he went to after that which caused him to discontinue making those bumper stickers. Apparently, some terrible man/child stole a whole bag of his bumper stickers and went around the con sticking them to the butts of girls that he deemed Fake Geeks. The con management assumed that it was Dr. Nerdlove's doing because they were his merch. He had to convince them that he would never do that and in face his whole schtick was preaching against just that type of behavior. I think he said that the offender was found and kicked out of the con, but that's why Dr. Nerdlove no longer makes those stickers and I have probably the last remaining one on earth. In any case, if you are a nerd and in need of love advice, he has a private FB group where he counsels all sorts of people who are looking for that perfect nerdy love match. https://www.facebook.com/groups/drnerdlove 
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