Cave Women on Mars is the third in an ongoing series of loving homages to 1950's B sci-fi/horror films directed by Christopher R. Mihm.  So far this is our favorite one.  I'm done with cosplays right now, but this is for the next time we'll see him, whenever that ends up being.  Probably not till next year at Waxacon.  But whenever that day comes, we're so gonna do this.  Maybe even in B&W!

The impetus for this post happened way back in 2013 a full year before I entered the 21st century and started this blog.  Rob and I went to Aggiecon to see George RR Martin.  It was our first comic con together and we were super excited to be there.  We did our first cosplay, a hurried attempt at Steampunk, and we went to several panels, the most interesting of which was "Fake Geek Girl" presented by Dr. Nerdlove aka Harris O'Malley.   He's a blogger from Austin who does a podcast where he gives dating advice to nerds.  His panel was about the recent and troubling "fake geek girl" phenomenon that had been plaguing comic cons.  He wanted to weigh in on it and hopefully help to stop it. As part of that discussion I stated that my first Aggiecon was way back in 1993 when it was still tiny and held on campus, and that I hadn't felt any animosity to my gender way back then and I certainly hadn't felt any today.  Oh how naive I was back then. 

​*****Not to go out on too long of a bunny trail, but why is it that only girls are decried as FAKE?  The fact that we're even having to have this discussion about how to stop the harassment of girls at cons should have been enough to clue me into the fact that my gender has always been discriminated against and is still being discriminated against even if I was previously unaware of it, but that's another post for another time.  I will say one last thing about this topic of gender discrimination.  Since 2013, the number of cons I have been to where there is significant and prominent signage warning attendees that "Cosplay is not consent" is very telling.  All of the big cons-- Houston, Dallas, Austin, San Antonio have this signage. *****

Anyway, after what was a great two hour long discussion among like-minded people, he handed out these hilarious bumper stickers that were designed to be a joke.  I took one and immediately stuck it on my office door and it's been there ever since. 

Because the discussion had riled up my social justice warrior instincts, Rob and I talked about it all the way home.  I had a lot of ideas about how a woman (or anyone) could go about proving that they weren't a fake geek.  I got so into the whole idea, that once I got home I wrote a whole essay about it and then like some ridiculous fangirl, I emailed it to Dr. Nerdlove!  Yes, I did!  Of course I didn't hear anything back from him at all, I didn't expect to, and once I'd sent it off I forgot about it until we started going to more cons and I started to become more interested in cosplay and my family wanted me to make them costumes from comic books that I hadn't read and I had to start reading comic books to push back on the nerd rage I was experiencing from my step son. 

Seth has been reading comic books his whole life, like his dad.  Unlike his dad, he didn't have the social skills to talk about superheroes with me without it coming off as super insulting and treating me like an idiot.  Granted, he was nine years old when they moved in with me and my nine year old son didn't read comic books so all I had as reference were the movies and tv shows that I'd seen growing up.  I soon learned that Superfriends was NOT at all the same thing as Justice League of America.  I had SO much to learn and Seth's intellect and appetite for reading was voracious.  This became the impetus for me to explore Supersuits and get Seth to help me so we could finally be on the same team instead of on opposite sides of every argument that came up.  The first argument we ever had was whether or not Buffy was a superhero.  That one turned bitter really quickly and I can now freely admit that I was on the wrong side of it, but it took years and 18 tons of research for the Supersuit blog in order for me to see the error of my ways.  So yes, I did all this just to form a better relationship with Seth.

Flash forward to 2018 Dallas Fan Expo.  Dr. Nerdlove is a vendor and we just happen to spot him as we are cruising up and down the convention floor.  I stop to say hi and tell him how we saw him back at Aggiecon and I still have my Fake Geek Girl sticker.  He then tells me that it's probably one of the last ones in existence and proceeds to tell me the story of what happened at the very next con he attended after Aggiecon.  He had been handing the stickers out like he did before, but this time some jerk took them seriously and went around slapping them on the butts and backs of women at the con.  Of course Dr. Nerdlove was furious that his art had been used to harass the very people he had made them for.  He struggled with his feelings, but felt he had to quit making them so that  it wouldn't happen again.  The incident made the news and you can read about it here.  

So why am I bringing all of this up today?  I was looking for a power point I'd made back in September and I couldn't remember where I saved it. As I was searching through folders I hadn't opened in years, I happened to come across the essay that I wrote five years ago.  Naturally I opened it up and read it because although I remembered the fury I'd written it in, I couldn't remember what I'd written at all.  I was pleasantly surprised to find that it still feels timely and accurate so I thought I'd go ahead and publish it.  You can decide for yourselves if you think I'm onto something.  I still wish I had a math friend who would do a lovely Venn diagram or flow chart to accompany my essay.  I just love visual aids.

Professor Kathleen Laundy                                                           3/25/2013
​
Abstract: ​This paper explores the phenomenon of the Fake Geek Girl and presents a theory on how one becomes a Geek and how to measure said Geekiness in order to put to rest the “fake” epithet currently in use.

At Aggiecon this weekend I went to a panel called "Fake Geek Girl: A discussion about the fear and loathing directed towards geek girls decried as fake". Having been self-identified as a band geek since 1982 I was curious about this phenomenon where people were apparently hating on girls who did not display (to their critics' satisfaction) enough "geek cred". The 2 hour exchange of ideas really opened my eyes to an area in which I was previously unaware that bigotry and misogyny existed: at the Conventions whose sole purpose is to celebrate all things geeky. It made me really think about what it is to be a geek and how an individual became one. Here are my thoughts.  There are two aspects of geekdom: how one becomes a geek and ways to identify just how geeky you are.  The first aspect I call Geek Matriculation, the second measures your Level of Obsession with all things Geeky. 

Geek Matriculation:
From the time we are born we are constantly processing information, growing, changing, and incorporating the world around us into our own personalities.  The process of Geek Matriculation begins in Elementary School and continues throughout our adolescence culminating in College/University when we finally graduate from Life with our degree in Geekiness that accompanies us into the “real world” and is perhaps the only fundamentally unchangeable thing about the rest of our lives.  There are two aspects to Geek Matriculation and they can be found at every level of our educational system.  These are Inclusive and Exclusive traits.  Let me define my terms.  An inclusive trait is one that includes you in a certain group, like a skill or ability that you inherently have.  An exclusive trait is something that you may or may not have control over, but that others use as a justification to exclude you from their social circles.  Much like the DSM, Geekiness can be measured on a scale.  If you check more boxes than not, you are probably a fully-matriculated Geek. 
Here are a few examples of how Geek Matriculation looks:

Elementary School

• Inclusive traits: advanced intelligence for age, well-developed language skills, higher than grade level reading ability, all A report cards.
• Exclusive traits: all manner of physical “defects”, inabilities or lack of skill.  For example asthma, allergies, braces, glasses, fat, slow, picked last for team sports.

Junior High

• Inclusive traits: Skill with fine arts emerge.  You play an instrument, your drawings actually look like the subject, you do the school play, etc…
• Exclusive traits: Your fashion sense is out of step with current trends. If you are a boy you might be made fun of for still wearing power ranger gear; if you are a girl you might be made fun of for not wearing makeup yet.  You are certainly made fun of for not wearing “the right clothes” or liking things that are now considered “for babies”.  This would include your music, movie, TV show preferences as well.

High School

• Inclusive traits: Club memberships.  This includes but is not limited to Band, NHS, AV, Chess, Science, Robotics, OAP, Computers, Journalism, Photography.
• Exclusive traits:  Your level of social awkwardness and your hobbies.  This includes but is not limited to things like taking your cousin to Prom, playing D&D at lunch, reading comic books, graduating with your virginity intact (esp. if male), and all other sci-fi/fantasy related interests you might pursue in your free time.

College/University

• Inclusive traits: Your major and your grades.  The list of majors includes all Sciences (except Pre-Med), Math, Computers, Art, Music, Theatre, Philosophy, Creative Writing, and perhaps History (but not Government). Grades would include the Dean’s List or graduating with a “Laude” behind your name, and would go on to include graduate work, Master’s and PHDs but not MDs or EDDs.
• Exclusive traits:  Your social commitments such as NON-MEMBERSHIP in or downright protesting/mocking of the BIG THREE: Greeks, Jocks, and Student Government.  All other social commitments are considered grounds for an exclusive trait.

Level of Obsession:
So now that we’ve discovered how one becomes a Geek, let’s take a look at just how Geeky you have become throughout your Geek Matriculation.  I call this aspect Level of Obsession.  If I were a Math major I would draw you either a lovely Venn diagram or at the very least a graph that would illustrate my point.  In my head I imagine a simple graph showing on the left an arrow rising vertically measuring Time Spent on Obsession and another arrow travelling right horizontally measuring Percentage of Take Home Pay Spent on Obsession.  The graph would include the following nine categories (much like the nine rings).  I would state emphatically that it is not necessary to possess a High Level of Obsession in all nine categories to be considered a “true geek”.  One may either have a moderate level of obsession in several categories or a high level of obsession in only one category or any combination thereof.

1. Consumption of sci-fi/fantasy related entertainment media.  This includes books, movies, TV shows.
2. Comic books/graphic novels
3. Gaming including tabletop, PC, online, and video.
4. Anime
5. Music
6. Collectables
7. Creating your own Writing/Art.  This includes everything from trying to get your novel published all the way to writing fanfic about the last novel you read.  This category also includes writing blogs about the novels, critiquing the novels, and all time spent arguing about the novels on discussion boards, in chat rooms, and fan-related websites like Mugglenet and RedHen (my personal decade long obsessions).  On the Art side, same thing all the way from illustrating your own comic books down to putting your work up on DeviantART.
8. Cosplay.  This includes anyone who makes and/or wears costumes, costume accessories, weapons, armor, props, etc….
9. Personal Interaction with the Maker.  This includes convention attendance, readings/book signings, hanging around the stage door waiting for the chance to get an autograph, stalking.

 
Again, if I were a Math person, I’d place various specific examples on the graph showing Low Obsession like buying one cheap Star Wars toy, taking it out of the box immediately, and playing with it…  compared to an example showing High Obsession like buying 3 of the same expensive Star Wars toys so that you have one to take out and play with immediately, one for “display purposes only”, and one to NEVER open that gets put away in a dark closet so that it may remain unspoiled and therefore its value will remain undiminished for future generations.
Using my method to rate another’s Level of Obsession in these nine areas, you will find that it becomes very difficult to berate another’s “Geek Street Cred”. For example, my personal Comic book, Anime and Gaming score is so low it is non-existent, but my scores in the other 6 areas are in the moderate to freakishly high range.  If the suspected “fake Geek” spent the time and money in order to attend a convention, in a costume, and is currently standing in line to meet an author, that person IS NOT A FAKE GEEK.  “Not cool, dude.”
 

UPDATE
It was suggested to me by Jason Sanchez that I should do this as a panel at Epically Geeky Expo (EGX), formerly known as Geekfest, this coming May.  Toward that end I am in the process of doing some more research into this topic as it is very wide ranging and complex. I want to both expose the negative as well as tout the positive. For example, I plan to explore the #gamergate  controversy of 2014 and how the common portrayal of women as sex objects or damsels in distress contributes to the latent misogyny, racism, and homophobia in the online gaming community.  I also want to put together a substantive list of the many important women in geekdom who have successfully navigated the misogyny to both break into a male dominated industry and then continue to produce quality work.  My hope is to educate and inspire our diverse Geek community to become more inclusive, diverse, and accepting, and less divisive.  Feel free to comment with any examples, suggestions, sources, or advice as I continue to research, compile, and edit.

We love Game of Thrones, although we don't let the kids watch it.  We're very excited for the final season to come out next year.  We've read all the books that have been released so far (before we broke down and got HBO to see the series).  But the real reason we're doing this cosplay is that we need Renfaire costumes to wear to TRF for Black Friday.  We normally go in our Celtic Christmas costumes, but I've been wanting to do this one for awhile now and get our pictures taken professionally, so this is the year.  Unfortunately, I have less than 3 weeks to put this together and I'm in tech for our second show this week.  Fortunately, I've already got everything I need for John Snow from stuff we had around the house.  None of this is going to be screen accurate, that would take way more time than I have, and money that I already spent at Waxacon.  But it will be good enough to get a nice family photo.  I've got a lot of things I can use at school.  Probably the only thing I'll have to make it Dany's top and cape.

He has brown boots, a belt, and I have plenty of crowns.  He just needs a purple doublet and brown pants.  I can maybe throw that together.

I found a skirted doublet that I can use as well as the extra fabric it was made from so I can add extra room at the side seams for his tummy. I had to slit up the CF seam and add a panel to provide the extra room.  I also cut out the armseye to give him more freedom of movement.  I removed the purple sleeves and cut a new set of sleeves in gold and I added shoulder wings out of the purple fabric.  He still needs a wig because he's shaved off all his hair and I'm going to have to regrey his beard after he dyed it black for Ming, but that's OK.

I spent about four hours this weekend finishing up all the alterations on this costume.  I did a self-casing with elastic for the waistband of the pants.  Then I removed the collar, cut the neckline down on the doublet, cut the collar height down as well, added about 3 inches to the CB seam of the collar and then reattached it.  I had to re-attach most of the gold trim as well since removing the collar also ripped most of the handsewing out.  I also removed the cuffs from the old purple sleeves and attached them to the new gold sleeves.  I found a crown that fits and a grey wig.  I found grey hairspray for his beard and it's done.

I made a dress for Lady Capulet a few years back that's almost the right color and exactly the right shape.  My hair's not long or blond enough, but I can buy another wig.

​I found the dress, of course it's too small, and the big sleeves are missing.  I'm still looking for them.

Wednesday during cosplay club meeting, I ripped the skirt off the bodice, removed the inner sleeves and the upper sleeves, removed all the gold trim, took out all four darts and had Jason fit it on me.  I ended up adding two panels in at the side seams made from the upper sleeves.  That made it big enough in the bust and rib cage measurements to close in the back.  But my cup size was much larger than the girl it had been cut for originally and I needed to extend the length of the bodice so that the waistline seam didn't cut me across the nipples.  It had been hemmed twice because it was originally made for a very tall actress and each subsequent time it was used had to be hemmed even higher.  I let out all the hems to find out that it had originally been cut at 52" long.  I was planning on cutting some fabric out of the hem to use to extend the bodice, but then realized that I could cut it from the waist instead and there would be less wasted fabric because the skirt at the waist was the same measurement as the bodice at the waist (the skirt was originally gathered and should have been longer but since I added the panels in at the side seams, it turned out to be the same length.  I used the top 7" of the skirt  to extend the length of the bodice.   I also raised the shoulder seam 1 1/2" which had the added bonus of covering more of my ample bosom.  I cut the armseye lower and re-serged the raw edge.  When I fit it back on my size 16 mannequin, I then repinned the four darts but only in the additional piece.  The darts end at the seamline.  Cerci's neckline is a V, so I still need to recut the neckline. Because I ripped off all the gold trim, the hem is now coming out and has to be redone anyway.

I gave up looking for the sleeves, so I've found the same fabric in gold and will cut new sleeves out of that.  I found a gorgeous red upholstery fabric with a floral pattern that I am using for trim.   I spent a good 4 hours Tuesday making mostly 3" bias for the sleeves and skirt hem, as well as 1" bias for the neckline edge.  I rehemed the skirt, cut the Vee neckline and hemmed it, and attached all the bias trim on Wednesday.  I still need to attach the sleeves, which I will do tomorrow morning, yes I know it's Thanksgiving, but since Seth has football practice anyway and we're going to Rob's relatives' house for dinner, I can totally spend the morning sewing without feeling guilty.  I still have so much work to do.

On Black Friday I finally got my sleeves sewn in and bought a blonde wig.  It's not really long enough or curly enough, but it'll do.  I only paid $32.00 for it from Beauty Mart.

I made Rob a black doublet out of my grandmother's black leather trenchcoat almost 10 years ago that will work perfectly.  Rob already had black period pants and a shirt.  I've got boots at school.  Rob has a sword.  And I've got two different capes.  We just bleached his hair for John Constantine, so now I'll have to dye it black again.  Plus it's a lot shorter now, but it grows fast.  The only thing I ended up sewing was attaching the fur collar to the cape.  Until I decided that he needed a better cape.  So I made a new one on black Friday out of black corduroy.

I made red leather doublets for Richard III almost 20 years ago now.  I just need to find one that's large enough for him.  Black pants and shirt are all he needs.  He already bought a flask and knows his one line, "I drink and I know things."  He's bald right now from being Deadman, but it'll grow some in the next three weeks.  I can always put him in a wig.  He'll hate it, but it'll keep his head warm.  I found a great ginger wig.

I gave up on the red leather doublet idea, because none of the ones I made for Richard are large enough.  So luckily he fits into Rob's Celtic Christmas doublet.  He's supposed to have a grey tunic underneath with long sleeves and a skirt.  I pulled out the coat I made for Malcolm in Macbeth.  I made it with donated fabric and there was never enough for sleeves which always disappointed me.  I pulled two other grey fabric scraps and cut sleeves from the denim, and lining for the pre-existing shoulder wings out of the upholstery sample,   The collar is perfect, but the whole thing is too small in the chest and the peplum is too long for anyone other than the guy it was made for.  So I cut 7 inches off the hem and used it to extend the CF closure and create a new peplum for the new extended CF. I got the entire sleeve treatment cut, stiffened with horse hair, lined, and sewn in this morning.  Now we just need to do another fitting.  I spent almost 7 hours working on it Monday. 

I went in to work on it Wednesday (the day before Thanksgiving.)  I spent about 4 hours on it.  I had to recut the red doublet's armseye to enlarge it, esp underneath, and I had to take in the CB seam.  The hook and eye tape had been ripped off in the middle section at some point, (too much stress in that area) so that needed to be repaired.  I had to restitch the collar lining on the grey tunic, hem and stitch the new CF peplum pieces in at the waist and then attach them to the former CF peplum pieces by hand.  I hemmed the sleeves too. All it needs now is some closures.  He can wear his black dance pants and I found him some black boots today, but they need insoles.

I'm going to have to make her top and cape.  She needs grey pants and boots.  And a dragon.  No problem.  We'll have to bleach her hair again.

I found pants and boots.  The boots I actually made 23 years ago in graduate school.  I found some lovely blue fabrics for the cape, lining, and her bodice.  The cape fabric is an upholstery grade fake crushed velvet.  It's more like it's velvet pile that's been flocked onto a canvas backing.  But I washed it and it didn't fall apart and it's got a much softer hand now.  I'm lining it with a poly wrinkled taffeta.  The pattern for the cape is a standard semi-circle with a separate piece in the front that has a dart in the shoulder area so it sits comfortably on her shoulders and hopefully won't pull back on her neck and choke her as a lot of capes are wont to do.  I finished the cape Tuesday.

​The bodice is a heavy sateen/lycra blend.  It has a two way stretch.  I draped the pattern on my size 6 mannequin (the smallest I have) which is still 6 inches too big in the bust and 4 inches too big in the waist.  This was all on Tuesday.  I got her in a for a fitting on Wednesday and the length is fine as is the back.  It's mostly a problem of the bust that Sarah doesn't have yet because she's just 11.  However, I've cut it on the 6 anyway and will make adjustments with the darts so that she can still wear it next year after what I'm sure will be the first of many a growing spurt.  It's a complicated pattern due to the overlapping asymmetrical nature of the skirt and it ended up being 10 pieces.  Hopefully I'll get is sewn together this morning.  So Thursday morning I got the 10 pieces all serged and darted and Friday I combined the 8 skirt pieces into 2.  I can't do anything else until I have a fitting, which I'm hoping to get done this weekend.

After the fitting I sewed up the darts in the front, attached the skirt pieces and hemmed everything.  I also lowered the armseye a bit.  It's ready to ride!  I just need a pin for the cape and we ordered a prop dragon from Amazon.

We're super unhappy with it.  I'll never pay anyone who's not Briumbra Photography to take our photo ever again.

Sarah's photo is better although the dragons they photoshopped in are lame.

We were super excited to attend this con (in only its second year) because we found out Briumbra Photography was going to be there.  I planned a new cosplay for it--Justice League Dark-- and we were even more excited to find out that they were having a costume contest both days so that we could enter two sets of costumes.  The tickets were a sweet deal 4 adult tickets for both days for $100 plus kids under 12 got in for $5 on Saturday and were free on Sunday.  We bought the tickets, booked a hotel (more about that later) and I started sewing, this was back in June.  I sewed for 4.5 months on this new cosplay and wasn't finished till 4pm on Halloween.  There weren't really any guests we were excited to meet except for this one filmmaker that we'd never heard of, Christopher Mihm.

We redid Flash Gordon on Saturday with no wig for Seth, a wig for Sarah and more bling for Ming.  At Greater Austin Comic Con, Seth forgot to wear his Timex watch and Sarah forgot to wear her white plastic belt.  Her white shoes literally fell apart as we were walking in, so we had to get her new ones after the photo.  And because I was sewing right up to the last minute, I didn't get any of the gold trim on Ming before the con, so I did it all afterwards.  I also didn't like the way the weight of my belt was making it fall way down over my tummy so I safety pinned it through the elastic on my skirt to the keep it up high.  Seth had a pants-tastrophe because his pants from June didn't fit anymore, so we had to go to Walmart and buy him a new pair that morning.  But we entered our costumes in the costume contest and Ming won first place and Aura won second place.  They wouldn't let us enter as a group since they didn't have any other groups enter.  Maybe next year.  Ming's prize was 6 free two day passes to next year's con and a free photo session with Briumbra Photography.  Aura's prize was 4 free two day passes to next year's con and another free photo session with Briumbra Photography. Of course we'd already paid for our photo that morning, so we used it the next day to get our photo of JLD.

Sarah helped me do everyone's makeup and hair and then went around taking photos to document.  Unfortunately we were so busy trying to get packed up and check out of the murder  hotel before we were murdered, she didn't get one of me.  We were going to compete in the costume contest with these costumes as well on Sunday, but since we already won 10 passes for next year and one more Briumbra session than we had costumes for, we decided we'd rather just get back to Waco as soon as possible and maybe get some sleep in our own beds, since no one slept a wink in the murder motel either  night.

We got to meet the director/writer of a series of 13 amazing homages to 1950's B movies.  We were able to see three of his films and we were so tickled, we bought all thirteen of them and crowd funded the upcoming fourteenth one.  Christopher threw in a free poster.  Over the course of two days we saw The Giant Spider, The House of Ghosts, and The Monster of Phantom Lake.  We talked to him and his merch team a lot and he's going to be coming back through Texas in January is looking for another date to go in between two cons he's already set up to do.  I mentioned we have a theatre in Waco that does stuff like this, The Hippodrome and that friends of mine are in a shadow cast of Rocky Horror that perform there sometimes.  I thought it would be great to get the two of them together and have an all day science fiction double feature of his films and then Rocky Horror at midnight.  I'm trying to set that up for him.

Lone Star Wars does Star Wars art out of Lone Star boxes and cans.  Rob bought a T-shirt from him.  Here's a link to his website.  They travel to a lot of cons, including Alamocity and Bell County.  Rob spent a lot of time talking to the artist.

 Art REDO and Canady's Wands share a space in the old Unfinished Furniture building on LaSalle in our hometown of Waco.  It's funny how sometimes you have to travel to another city to find people in your hometown.  Dylan Canady and David Jacobs were great fun to talk to and have really cool things to sell you.  They are open every day except Monday.  David at Art REDO collects junk and turns it into functioning sculpture like ray guns, Robbie the Robot, clocks, fans, and lamps.  Dylan Canady works in wood to make beautifully handcrafted Harry Potter wands and other magical items like Daenerys' dragon eggs, potions and spells.  This is where I spent most of my time.

The reason we chose this hotel is because we normally cram all 5 of us into one hotel room with two queen or king beds and a pull out couch.  We are always stepping over each other's stuff, there's never enough room, and the kids make us super grumpy arguing all the time.  So after last time, I decided we'd just stay at a cheaper place and get two rooms instead so everyone would be more comfortable, even if the rooms weren't as nice.  I did check reviews online and the ones for Executive Inn and Suites were better than the ones for Motel 6, plus you got a free breakfast.  The EIAS were slightly further away from the con location than Motel 6 but we felt that the free breakfast would more than make up for the extra half mile of driving.

​The Executive Inn and Suites in Waxahachie that's right off I-35 is a home for meth heads, Stephen King's Pet Semetary, and a burial ground for potential murder victims.  People who are unhappy with the state of their hotel room clearly don't survive long enough to post a bad Yelp review.  Don't stay here.  The free breakfast is just three different types of cereal and a honeybun.  It's not worth it.  We were lucky to escape with our lives!  I'm not even kidding.  We took photos of all the things wrong with the room when we arrived after dark.  The parking lot was full of a  herd of feral cats all fighting with each other and yowling like they were being murdered themselves.  The stairwells were full of garbage, the steps were broken, the landings were uneven and made you feel like you were drunk trying to walk around up there.  The door lock was half pulled off and then screwed back down.  There was no dowel rod for the toilet paper, the toilet seat was the wrong size for the bowl, the knob on the bathroom door didn't work and we were afraid to pull the door shut because we weren't sure we'd be able to get back out.  The mirror was cracked, the "repainting" was sloppy.  Sarah said everything was red to hide the blood.  The enamel was peeling off the tub, there were stains on the walls, the furniture, the carpet, and the ceiling. There were live bugs in the drawers and dead bugs behind the furniture.  Sarah never got in her bed, just slept on top of it with her blanket and pillow that she'd brought with her.  Sylvan brought a sleeping bag and just slept in it.  The beds were hard as rocks, they felt like they'd been stuffed with hardback books and sawdust and they creaked really loudly every time you sat on them.  The boys beds were short-sheeted.  The phones were from another chain of motels--in our room it was from Knight's Inn and in the boys room it was from Hampton Inn.  The bathroom floor was the only thing I felt clean standing on.

Because we got there after dark, we didn't see the rest of the grounds until we got up to get our free breakfast the next morning.  There had been a pool, but it had been filled in with dirt and someone left a shovel in the middle (for digging your own graves) and many black plastic garbage bags (filled with dismembered body parts).  God knows what was in the pool shed that was locked and moldy, but the rest of the rooms facing in towards the pool were also moldering, crumbling, and falling apart.  There seemed to be a crematorium on the grounds and more trash than the city dump.  Feral cats were still there in the morning, probably feasting on all the new bodies that had been thrown out during the night.  Sarah pointed out the large variety of red mushrooms that were growing by the crematorium, probably soaked in blood.

No one slept the first night what with the filthiness of the room, the howling of the cats, and the midnight banging on the walls coming from next door.  We were looking forward to the free breakfast, but it was literally only three kinds of sugary cereal, bad coffee, and pre-packaged honeybuns. We had a cup of the free coffee, (it was bad) and the boys got honeybuns (they were in cellophane which is the only reason I let them have one) and then we high-tailed it out of there and went to IHOP for real food with protein.  We went back to the room, managed to get ready quickly, and spent the rest of the day somewhere else-- at the con, eating out, driving, literally anywhere but at the motel.  We wanted to go see Bohemian Rhapsody, but didn't make it out of El Fenix in time to catch the 7:30 show, so we ate as leisurely as we could and sadly went back to the hotel.

The second night we had a giant thunderstorm and that's when we realized that there were holes in the roof because the rainwater dripped on Sylvan's bed all night.  No one wanted to sleep so we ended up watching The Simpson's Treehouse of Horror, a Samantha Bee rerun, and SNL.  We slept badly, but not as badly as Sylvan, who slept like a victim of Chinese water torture with rain water dripped on his head all night.  Of course the time changed this weekend, which is really what we'd been looking forward to, an extra hour of sleep at our nice hotel, but it just meant an extra hour of no sleep at our murder motel.  We ate breakfast at Waffle House, a place I generally avoid because of all the drunks, but was a welcome alive and happy place comparatively.  We had a fantastic waitress who took care of us very well.  We rushed back to the room, got ready, packed our crap as quickly as we could and got the hell outta dodge before the meth heads killed us for our stuff.